


Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst

by OpheliaPending



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Hurt, Some comfort, does this count as angst idk, here have a little pain and suffering, im kidding (im not)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-17 15:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21056675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpheliaPending/pseuds/OpheliaPending
Summary: It'd been two weeks since anyone had heard from Buck. Then the 118 get on a call and Eddie just about loses his mind.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been two weeks since Eddie had seen Buck. Two infuriating weeks. Eddie was unsure whether the space from his best friends’ absence was helping ease his sour mood, or making it worse entirely. If it were just himself that Buck were ignoring, it would be a different story – but Christopher. He didn’t deserve this. The boy looked at Buck as if he hung the moon for Christ sake – he loved him and treasured him and this is what he got in return? Complete dismissal?

It was as if the events of the tsunami hadn’t even happened; like they didn’t matter to him. Christopher was having nightmares and panicking and all he wanted was to see Buck, to make sure that he was okay – and Buck had the gall to not return a single phone call. Eddie had to pause, and remember to unclench his jaw. Any longer and he would’ve popped a blood vessel – clearly, he wasn’t as over it as he thought.

He took large strides into the fire house, completely blowing off the greeting from Lena. Eddie was so in his head about the whole situation, he didn’t see Bobby until their paths had already collided.

“You doing okay there, Eddie?” Bobby asked, mildly concerned.

“Uh, yeah, sorry Cap, I’m just gonna,” Eddie pointed towards the lockers and gave Bobby a swift nod before he kept walking.

Two weeks. Ugh. Half of him wanted to just brush off this whole situation; Buck made his choice and he should just accept it and move on. But no matter how much Eddie tried, he couldn’t. Buck was already apart of his family and there was no way not to be fixated on this lack of communication. It made no rational sense – being that Buck wasn’t physically allowed to talk to them, but come on! He was his _best friend_. Surely that was worth bending a rule or two. Ugh. Two weeks too many. Eddie had half a mind to call him right now and chew him out.

Before Eddie even realised what he was doing, his phone was out and dialling.

_Hey it’s Buck, leave a message_.

Infuriating. Eddie called him again. At this point he just wanted to hear his voice. His annoyingly over eager, hot-headedness wasn’t something Eddie expected to miss. But he did.

_Hey it’s Buck, leave a message_.

“Yeah okay Buck. That’s enough. It’s been two weeks already,” Eddie looked to the ceiling, one hand covering his eyes before it dragged down his face to settle on his chin, “If not for me, for Christopher. Come on man, he needs you.”

Eddie sighed, put his things away and changed into his uniform. 

The fire house was less cheery these days; an occasional joke or sarcastic comment here and there from Chimney and Hen but that was it. Even meals together were a rarity. Here Eddie was at breakfast, sitting at the large table by himself, while the rest of the crew were scattered. There was a hole in their team that could never be quite filled – even with the temporary Lena.

Eddie was mid-mouthful when a call came in over the intercom. Finally, something to break this awkward separation.

“So, what we got Cap?” asked Hen.

“Two car collision, one pedestrian down and another pinned under the cars.”

“As in, under more than one car?” Hen shook her head, blowing air from her cheeks, “That’s rough.”

They pulled up at the scene, the surrounding buildings seemingly all too fresh in his mind. Eddie turned to Chimney, “Hey isn’t that the building from a couple weeks back with the drill? The one with Bucks ambulance chaser?”

Chimney looked to his left, “Huh, so it is,” then promptly got the kit from the truck. “Hopefully it won’t get too awkward, you know, us being within 100 feet of this place and all.”

Hen chuckled; however, Eddie didn’t find the hilarity in Chimneys joke but feigned a smile anyway.

Eddie went with Bobby to assess the situation. There was one man pinned under both cars – the first cars tire on his left leg and the second on his torso. That was not an enviable situation to be in.

“Right, let’s get these drivers out first and then reassess. Hey Hen!” Bobby called after her.

They had successfully removed both the drivers and their passengers, with minimal injuries and directed all there focus on the John Doe between the cars. His face was too swollen and bloody to get a positive identification, but something felt different about him – felt familiar. Eddie pushed the uneasiness to the side and evaluated his airways, while Chimney focused on his bleeding leg.

“The tire seems to be keeping the pressure here, but once we move it, we won’t have long until he bleeds out,” Chimney stated.

“What about the other car?” Bobby directed at Hen.

“We should be able to lift this one off, let’s go.”

As they lifted the car off the man’s torso, a concerning wheezing sound could be heard followed by a spluttering of blood, spraying over the road.

“Looks like a possible tension haemo over here,” shouted Chimney, “We need a drain in there now!”

Chimney placed a tourniquet around the man’s leg and swiftly made a makeshift drain, for some temporary relief. “We need to get this other car off him or he’s not going to make it.”

A female came barging through the site, distraught, “Please! You have to save him!”

“Do you know this person, ma’am?” Bobby asked, holding his arm out in front of her to halt her movement.

“No, he looked about late 20s with blondey-brown hair and he had kind eyes, really kind eyes. Please you have to save him,” she gripped Bobby’s arm, eyes pleading with tears. “He saved my life. I was the one who was supposed to be in the middle of all this, not him, please. He pushed me out of the way!”

“We are doing everything we can, ma’am. Now if you could step back and let us do our jobs.” Bobby handed the girl over for Lena to take care of.

A pit sank low in Eddies stomach; it was only a small, niggling feeling but it was eating away at him. Something about this guy felt familiar. He gave John Doe another once over… his breath hitched and his body stilled. It was the jacket. He had seen _that jacket_ so many times before, both worn and laying over the back of the couch, the chair, just any possible surface. _That_ was _Bucks_ jacket.

No, no, no. It couldn’t be. That _couldn’t_ be Buck. It wasn’t him. No way. Eddie’s leg started to pound the bitumen with a brutal force as they prepared to remove the next car, ambulance on standby.

Bobby side-eyed Eddies distressed nature and raise his eyebrow, “What’s going on over there Eddie?”

“Nothing Cap… It’s just,” Eddie took a breath. Should he tell Bobby? It was only a feeling, right? There was no possible way that it was his best friend laying here dying this whole time without him noticing right? No. He couldn’t possibly lose another loved one in the middle of the street without a word of warning. Forsaking his better judgement, he decided to air on the side of caution, “It’s just that, that looks like Buck’s jacket.” He pointed to the man, laying half dead on the ground and the whole crew stopped.

“What?” Chimney blinked, not quite believing the words exiting Eddie’s mouth – or not wanting to believe them anyway.

“What are you talking about?” Hen asked, jarring her head forward, her brows creased together.

“That is,” Eddie pointed, tears starting to swell, “That is Bucks jacket. I’m sure of it.”

“Okay, before we jump to any conclusions, does anyone know where Buck is or was going today?” Bobby blanket asked the crew.

“How would we know,” Chimney responded, “The whole no contact thing really doesn’t help with that.”

“Now’s not the time.” Bobby looked to Eddie, “There is no use worrying until we know anything definitive. But for now, either we get this car off him, or he’s going to bleed out.”

The crew now back in unison, went back to their respective stations to remove the vehicle. But Eddie wasn’t convinced; he just had to know. He grabbed out his phone ready to dial the number for the third time that day –

“We lost his pulse! Starting compressions,” Chimney shouted the second the car was lifted.

God Eddie felt like shit. Everything started moving in slow motion as he stood back and watched his team resuscitated the man – Buck. He dialled the number. The ringing echoed in his ears, now the only thing he could hear – even overshadowing his heart which he was pretty sure had stopped beating at this point. His worst nightmare was coming true. His mind hyper focussed on the man’s jacket pocket, which was trembling slightly with every ring.

Eddie dropped the phone from his ear and reached into the jacket pocket, pulling out the ringing device. His own picture was on the screen. _Eddie Diaz_.

_Hey it’s Buck, leave a message_.


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh God_. Eddie’s breath became a series of short, shallow gasps, each harder to take than the one before. The tightening in his chest crept up to his throat, only minor relief coming from undoing his top button. His whole body was on fire and tingling, and his vision started to distort itself, as if he were looking through a fish eye lens.

No. Not Buck. Please, “Just not _him_,” he whispered breathlessly, now bent over running his clammy hands back and forth on his thighs. He wanted the throw up. 

“Someone cut this shirt off! Eddie –” Chimney looked over at the distressed man, “Cap!” he yelled and once he had Bobby’s attention, directed his gaze towards Eddie. Bobby got the signal. “Hen, get in here.”

Hen was quick to snip the material, revealing a mess of deep purple which somehow smelled strongly of coffee. She placed the pads over his chest, “Charging, clear!”

The body jolted and blood seeped from his leg and mouth. Nothing.

“Resuming compressions,” Chimney huffed, trying not to focus on the fact that one crew member was behind him losing his shit and another possibly underneath the palms of his hands. How in the hell did they end up here? “Come on kid, stay with me.”

Bobby steadied Eddie’s quivering body, “Eddie, just try to breathe.”

He made it sound easier than it was. With each passing second it was like he was back there – seeing her lifeless body laying on the road. He remembered the smells, the sounds and the never-ending pit in his stomach that just grew and grew until everything felt black. It was almost surreal. How could this be happening to him, _again_?

“Charging, clear!” now it was Hens turn to sound panicked. With each shock, she grew more desperate. Still nothing. “You just have to hang on okay, we got you,” she caressed the man’s face as Chimney started compressions once again.

“This isn’t Buck okay,” Chimney puffed, “This is just your regular, stupidly heroic 20-something year old. It’s not Buck. Just an everyday rescue.” Hen was unsure just who he was trying to convince.

_Oh God_. They were losing him. In that moment, everything became so clear. Why had he even been mad with Buck in the first place? He had gone through a trauma – _multiple_ traumas, the same as Christopher; arguably even worse so from the weight of having to save all those people, but most of all save his son. And what was Eddie? What had he been, huh? Unsupportive. The one person who should’ve had Bucks back… told him to get over it. He could’ve kicked himself. _Should’ve_ kicked himself. What kind of a person does that? And why was it that the only moments of clarity came right after tragedy struck? A few tears rolled down his cheek and landed on his clenched fists.

What was he even doing right now? His friend needed him – he couldn’t just stand there. Eddie did his best to steady his breathing and brushed off Bobby’s support, wiping the length of his arm across his face. “I need to help.”

Bobby blocked his attempt, “There’s nothing for you to do.”

“Charging, clear!” one last jolt. Nothing… and then something. “We have a rhythm!” Hen’s relief not so subtle, embellished with a hopeful smile. With Chimneys help, she lifted the man onto the gurney and wheeled him into the back of the ambulance.

“Jordan?!” a high-pitched voice screamed from the distance. “Jordan? Baby!” A woman came running, hands both full with freshly made coffee which were desperately tossed into the gutter, subsequently spilling over the road as she rushed towards the ambulance. Tears were streaming down her face, “No, no, no Jordan, no!”

Bobby shifted his hand, to hold yet another person in distress back. In that moment, he felt a little bit like a camp counsellor.

“Ma’am, do you know this man?” Bobby questioned, Eddie holding his breath.

“Yes, that’s Jordan, my fiancé!” she pushed off Bobby’s body and rushed to the back of the ambulance. A weight lifted off Eddie’s heart, _Jordan_?

“I need you to take a breath ma’am. Now, he got a little banged up in the accident, do you have any way to positively ID him?”

She pointed to his feet, “Those are his shoes! We bought them on our first vacation together and he has a mole, right here on his hand,” she pointed between her second and third knuckled on her left hand. And sure enough, the man had the same one.

“Now is someone going to tell me what happened?” the lady cried between sobs.

“Your guys an everyday hero,” Chimney replied, “Pushed a civilian out of the way, saving her life.”

The lady smiled between her cries, “That sounds like my Jordan.”

“Hang on, then how did he get Buck’s phone?” Eddie interjected, finally able to breathe again, as the woman stepped into the ambulance.

“A man leant him his jacket… it must’ve been in there.”

An overwhelming wave of relief washed over Eddie, the tightness in his chest dissipating like snow at the end of winter. The nausea was still ever-present but the rigidity of his muscles had faded, now overtaken by the need to lay down. It wasn’t Buck. Eddie smiled to himself for a brief moment. He needed to see him.

** _Earlier that day_ **

The day was just beginning to warm up, birds in full pitch with a light breeze carrying the songs off into the city, as Buck stepped out of the lawyer’s office and onto the street. He raised his hand to the sky, partially blocking out the sun and took out his phone. Two missed calls from Eddie, and one voice message. It had been 15 days since they had spoken – his brash decision having more consequences then he initially anticipated. But he was doing what was right for him. No matter how much it hurt. If they weren’t going to have his back, then why should he concern himself with them at all?

Though just because he was mad, didn’t mean he didn’t miss them like crazy. The crew at the 118 were his family… or at least he thought they were. Prangs of loss and guilt twirled around inside his heart. But if they weren’t going to let him be a firefighter – the one thing that made life worth living, gave his life meaning – well then, he was going to do everything in his power to take it.

He dialled his message bank and placed the phone to his ear; he checked every single message just in case it was an emergency.

_Yeah okay Buck. That’s enough. It’s been two weeks already… If not for me, for Christopher. Come on man, he needs you._

It was about Christopher. A smile crept up his face as he slid his phone back into his jacket pocket. Even though Eddie sounded angry, he could tell that he missed him. Buck was unabashedly glad – maybe his absence didn’t go entirely unnoticed?

Though, he was concerned about Christopher. Buck adored the little guy and hearing that he was having a hard time just crushed his insides in a way he couldn’t quite articulate. This whole fiasco was supposed to be over in a few more weeks… but could he wait that long? What if something terrible had happened to Christopher? …Maybe checking on him just the one time would be okay?

Buck had made up his mind, and speedily swung his body around and almost immediately crashed into something hard. Droplets sizzled on his hands that he shook off instinctively as he looked to the man in front of him, now covered in coffee.

“Fuck!” the man cried, “Hot, hot, hot!” Using his free hand, the man pinched the bottom of his shirt and flapped it in the air, cooling his chest off and drying his shirt the best he could.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Buck placed out his hands apologetically, trying to see if there was anything he could do. He searched his body for a cloth or a tissue – just something to help wipe the beverage off this guy – and found a napkin in his back pocket from earlier that morning. “Here,” Buck offered it to the man.

The man took the napkin and began to dab his now cooled shirt, “Thanks.”

A young woman came up behind the man, “Shit! Sweetie what happened?”

“Just an accident, it’s okay. Nobody got hurt,” he smiled at her, without a care in the world.

“But what are we going to do? The agency is expecting us today!”

Buck interjected, “I’m sorry, agency?”

“The adoption agency,” she gave Buck a once over, not entirely sure what to think of the guy, “We’ve been waiting on this call for 8 months and when it finally comes,” she gestured towards the man, presumably her fiancé, “This happens.” She placed both hands over her brow, her breathing quickening, “Oh God, what if they see this and don’t think we’re good enough? That we can’t look after a child if we can’t even keep from –”

“It’s going to be okay, Honey. Just calm down,” her fiancé took his palms and gave her shoulders a comforting rub, “These things happen, as I’m sure the agency will know. It’ll be okay.”

Buck, without a second thought removed his jacket and offered it to the man.

“Oh, I couldn’t,” he shook his hand in front of him.

“Look, this whole problem was my fault,” Buck looked him in the eye with sincerity, “I insist.”

Reluctantly, the man accepted Bucks offer and placed the jacket over his shirt, covering the stain perfectly.

The man looked to his fiancée, “See? Everything will be fine. Now go see your sister, I’m sure she’s waiting for you. I’ll see you back here in an hour.” She agreed, and ran to the café down the road.

“I can’t thank you enough,” the man looked to Buck, “I really owe you one.”

“Don’t worry about it! I’m sorry for spilling it in the first place. I hope everything goes well for you today!” Buck waved over his shoulder as he headed off.

** _Presently_ **

Eddie just couldn’t keep still; throughout the remainder of his shift he was restless, always bouncing his leg or tapping his fingers against any possible surface. He wanted to see Buck, and he wanted to _hours _ago. But his shift was yet to finish. He pulled Bucks phone from his pocket, checking it every few minutes just in case he called trying to find it. But to Eddies disappointment, he didn’t.

It was finally shift change and Eddie was out of there faster than lightning. He just couldn’t quite get a grip on his emotions until he set his eyes on Buck, until he knew that he was okay. The first stop on his way home was to Buck’s apartment, but to his detriment there was no answer. His heart was pounding and his hands were clenched in frustration – where the hell _was _he? What if… what if something had actually happened to him? Oh God. His adrenaline had already been overused today and anymore would wear him out completely – but he couldn’t help it. He was worried.

He would do anything just to know he was okay. He would be the friend he was supposed to be in the first place – supportive and accepting and do everything within reason to help. Absolutely anything. Tears began to well up in his eyes which he tried to push aside but couldn’t contain the sheer quantity of emotion he had for the guy.

Eddie drove around for a good 45 minutes, checking all of Buck’s favourite places, to no avail before discouragingly driving home.

As he pulled up, his car headlights flashed over a body sitting by his door. What the-? Buck? Eddie barely managed to turn the engine off before bolting out of the car and crashing into Bucks arms, squeezing harder than ever.

Buck was a little confused but not unhappy at the welcome reception, hands still fidgeting between their bodies before giving in to the embrace, “I uh, I got your message.”

A flood of anger coursed through Eddies veins as he pushed off his friend, “Where the hell were you?! I was trying to reach you all day,” Eddie started pacing, hand on the back of his head rubbing his hair. “We had a call today. Guy nearly died in the middle of the road and I thought –,” his eyes glossed with tears, as he poked Buck on the chest with his index finger, “He was wearing your jacket, Buck.”

Bucks eyes opened wide as his mouth hung ajar, it finally clicked, “Eddie, Eddie,” Buck shifted his gaze until he had caught Eddie’s sight, and placed his hands on either shoulder, “Eddie – look,” Buck gestured to his being, “I’m all here, in one piece… Eddie,” Buck wrapped his arms around his best friends’ shoulders. “I’m so sorry. I wanted to call, I did. It’s just I lost my phone.”

Eddie reached into his back pocket and handed the device to Buck. “It was in your jacket.”

Bucks stomach let off a loud growl. Eddie chuckled, then swiped his eyes over Bucks dishevelled appearance, “How long have you been out here?”

“Since uh… Since this morning,” Buck looked away, “I got your message this morning and came straight here. Didn’t really occur to me that you’d still be on shift for a while, so I waited.”

There was a lightness that now hung in the air, like a stream flowing in the forest, calm and forgiving.

“It’s really good to see you,” Eddie said softly. It was really good.

“Yeah you too,” Buck smiled back at him.

They stood in silence for the briefest of moments, and it was the most relaxed either of them had been since this whole ordeal began. Eddie missed this.

“So, what’s the matter with Christopher?” Buck asked, his thumb massaging the palm of his left hand.

“He’s been having nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” Buck made eye contact with Eddie and then looked off to the side, “Yeah, I’ve been having them too.”

A protectiveness flourished inside of Eddie as he placed his hand on Bucks back and rubbed soothingly with his thumb, “What ever you need me to do, I’ll support you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can i just say when i started writing this chapter, barbie girl came on my playlist and really through me off lol  
also to everyone who commented on the first chap, i appreciate it greatly!!! know that i love you!!

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to make this a two-parter. enjoy


End file.
